Big O's Read online

  “I don’t want you doing anything you’re not ready for,” I whispered against her hair even as my cock continued to pulse and jerk, ready for the attention I’d just denied it.

  Stupid prick.

  “I don’t know how to do this.” Her voice trembled and cracked.

  “You don’t have to.”

  “But I want…” She made a small, frustrated sound in her throat and rose up onto her elbow, staring down at me. “I want to know how to do this.”

  I could tell by the way she was talking, the way she eyed me that this wasn’t just about giving me a blow-job either.

  “Give me your hand,” I said softly. “Get comfortable next to me.”

  She wiggled around a little and tucked her head into the crook of my arm and shoulder before tucking her hand into mine. “I’m going to put your hand on my cock. Then I’ll let go. If you want to touch me, you do it. You do what feels good to you. If you don’t like it, then you stop.”

  “I…how…okay.”

  I could hear a hundred questions in her voice, but she let it go with that simple comment, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I guided her hand to my erect dick, grimacing in tortured pleasure as she lightly closed her fingers around me. “Like this?” she whispered. “I want it to feel good to you.”

  “Baby, you’ve got my dick in your hands. There’s very little you could do that wouldn’t feel good,” I told her.

  But still, all she did was hold me, and after a moment, I reached down and covered her hand with mine lightly. “Like this,” I said, guiding her hand up, then down. “You can do this if you want.” And because I’d noticed already that it turned her on when I talked to her, I added, “Because if you don’t jack me off, I’ll be doing it after you leave. You’ve got me harder than a fucking stone. Can’t you tell?”

  A low whimper escaped her, and she did one slow, tentative stroke down, then up, following the tutelage of my guiding hand.

  “I’m going to let go. You do what you want…just, please, don’t stop touching me.”

  To my surprise, a faint giggle escaped her. “You make it sound so dire.”

  “I feel like I’m going to come any damn second, so it feels pretty damn dire.” I arched up into her touch, aching for more of those soft, butterfly caresses – and harder, dirtier ones. Whatever she wanted to give, I wanted it.

  After a few strokes, she grew more certain and started to pump her hand faster, harder.

  I grunted, and she paused. “Is that too much? Is it wrong?”

  “No. You can’t do this wrong…don’t stop, Raye,” I said. I was ready to beg, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.

  Not yet, at least.

  “Show me more,” she whispered in my ear.

  Covering her hand with mine, I tightened her fist around me until it was just shy of pain. “Don’t let me hurt you,” I said, thrusting up until I was fucking her hand. “I like it…tight…like that. Twist your hand…there. That’s it…fuck, Raye.”

  Her breath hitched, trembled a little and I felt the hard scrape of one nipple through her bra. I wanted to roll her onto her back and come between her thighs, driving into her.

  But I held still, doing nothing more than thrusting into her fisted hand as she lay breathing next to me, her body quivering and each breath shuddering out of her.

  I moaned as the heat gathered in my balls, warning me of the climax that was rushing at me.

  “I’m going to come,” I said, the words coming out in a pant. Lifting my head, I urged her to meet my gaze. “Stop now, or you’re going to get it on you.”

  I didn’t want her to stop. But it was her call.

  She kept pumping her hand, up and down on my cock and I lowered my gaze, staring at how I filled her small palm to overflowing, the head of my prick disappearing inside her fist before rapidly reappearing, bobbing with each stroke. A small drop of pre-come appeared, and she paused.

  Looking up, I saw that she was watching, too.

  Taking my hand away from hers, I rubbed my thumb over that clear drop, smearing it across the head, then lifting my hand to her face. “Do you want to taste it?

  She surprised the hell out of me by licking my thumb. My cock jerked in jealous reaction. “You’re going to kill me,” I mumbled. “You’re so fucking hot.”

  Without thinking, I caught the back of her neck and hauled her up, so I could kiss her. She froze at first, then relaxed, opening her mouth as she began to stroke me anew, her rhythm faster and harder.

  “That’s it, Raye…” I muttered against her lips. “More…shit, that’s good…gimme your mouth.”

  She whimpered, straining against me, and I felt every delicate curve, every sweet swell.

  The head of my cock pulsed as she swept her thumb over it, sending sensations raining down, making my balls draw up tight against me. Hot-cold chills raced up my spine, then retraced their tracks, centering low at the base as everything in me seemed to center on my cock and the sweet pleasure of her pumping up and down.

  The climax blindsided me, coming at me harder and faster than I’d expected. Semen jetted from my cock, splashing on my belly and chest, coating her fingers. She stopped, but I closed my hand over hers and guided her back into rhythm. “Don’t fucking stop now,” I said, pleading with her.

  She hesitated a moment, then continued to move, and I showed her how to squeeze and milk every last drop from me. Each touch now was a lesson in pleasure-pain that was almost too much to handle, and I shuddered from head to toe.

  When it was over, I closed my eyes, letting her hand go. My heart pounded. My breath raced in and out of my lungs, and my entire body felt numb, like I’d just ran ten miles.

  My cock jerked again, and a harsh groan escaped me when she flexed her fingers once more.

  Then she pulled back, wiggling away.

  I laid there, not thinking much of it.

  “Where’s your bathroom?” she asked, her voice halting.

  That was the first indicator that something was wrong.

  The second came from the slamming of the bathroom door.

  But the real clue was when she came out and all but dove into her clothes, pulling them on so rapidly, I heard a seam tear.

  Swearing, I sat up, grabbing a t-shirt from the foot of the bed to wipe off with. Tossing it aside, I stood up and reached for Raye, but she dodged me. “I need to get going,” she said, her voice tight and high.

  “Are you okay?” I demanded.

  “I’m fine!” She gave me a bright, too-sunny smile as she all but ran out of the bedroom and grabbed her boots from where she’d dropped them in the living room. “I just…I have to go!”

  Feeling helpless, I stood there as she finished dressing.

  I stood there as she fled through the door.

  “What the hell?”

  I was still brooding over it all a couple hours later.

  I could have handled things differently. I could have handled things a lot differently.

  Like not making her jack you off? a sarcastic voice suggested from the back of my mind.

  I didn’t know if that was what had done it or what. But something had upset her, and she’d torn out of there like her ass was on fire.

  “Man, if Jake finds out about this…”

  No sooner had I said those words than I realized the enormity of what I was doing.

  Shit.

  I’d made out with his kid sister – the kid sister he’d just found out about.

  He was going to fucking kick my ass over this.

  “What in the hell am I doing?” I asked myself. There was no answer in the small, quiet apartment, but I hadn’t expected one.

  If I was smart, I’d back away now.

  But I knew, as sure as I was standing there, if Raye were to knock on that door and ask me to kiss her again, I’d be all over it.

  If she’d let me, if she was ready, I’d be all over her.

  And the hell if that made any sense. I’d never done anything other tha
n casual, but nothing about this felt casual. Nothing at all.

  17

  Raye

  I was exhausted, the weight of the week wearing down on me like a wet cloak. As I trudged up the stairs to Michelle’s apartment, I reached up to rub my eyes, taking care not to smudge the makeup. I probably shouldn’t have worn any. At some point tonight, I was going to rub my eyes, and I would smear the makeup and end up looking like a panda.

  Hell, if I was smart, I would have canceled because knowing my luck, I was going to end up falling asleep right in the middle of the dinner.

  Jake and Michelle had invited me over earlier in the week, and if I had realized how tired I was going to be, I would have said no. But that was before…well, everything.

  Before I ran into Chad.

  Before I started going over to Kane’s.

  Definitely before Kane had introduced me to things I hadn’t known about myself.

  If only that had been all that happened this week, I would have considered the week a good one.

  But there was the weird thing going on between me and Kane – it was going to get weirder now, wasn’t it? I barely knew how to handle it as it was. Actually, that was wrong. I didn’t know how to handle it. I’d run away from him, hadn’t I?

  Would he expect me to sleep with him if I went back?

  Did I want to sleep with him?

  That shouldn’t be a confusing thing, but it was. It was even more confusing now than it had been before he touched me, too. Once he touched me and made me feel all those…wow…feelings, it’d made things worse, because suddenly, I was wondering if maybe I could be normal. What would happen if I slept with him? Nothing with him had been anything like it had been the other times. So, wouldn’t things be different if I tried to have sex with him?

  But if I failed…

  These were the things that had kept me up at night, and on the rare occasion I had fallen asleep, nightmares about Chad had woken me up.

  I’d known Chad back when I was still attending school at Texas A&M. To say things hadn’t been pleasant was putting it mildly and I didn’t like to think about that time – at all.

  Who would?

  Considering everything that had happened, nobody sane would enjoy reminiscing.

  I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing Chad, or anybody else from that school.

  Coming to a stop in front of Michelle and Jake’s door, I tightened my hands on the salad bowl and tried to put everything out of my mind. Thinking about it now was just crazy. If I kept this up, Michelle or Jake would notice something, and that was the last thing I needed.

  After one last look at the salad I’d put together, I knocked on the door. Michelle told me I didn’t need to bring anything, but I had insisted, and she had finally said a salad would go great with the steaks she had planned.

  At the time, a steak had sounded divine. I hadn’t had a good steak in a long time, but now I was wondering if I’d be able to eat at all.

  Michelle opened the door and greeted me with a big smile and a kiss on the cheek. “Let me take this,” she said, grasping the bowl and tugging it from my hands.

  As I came inside, Jake appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. He grinned at me and came over, greeting me with a quick hug. Warmth unfurled in me at the casual affection.

  My brother. I still didn’t know what to think about that. I knew I loved it.

  But beyond that? It was just so mind-boggling. I’d spent so much of my life being…alone. Even before this chasm had formed between my mother and me, I’d felt more like an afterthought in her life.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t love me. I knew she did. But I also knew I was an inconvenience; she hadn’t planned on having a baby. Now that I was an adult, I was just another person she could use.

  Mom had called twice, leaving messages for me. I hadn’t called her back.

  I didn’t want to listen to more requests for money, and I wasn’t ready to share Jake with her yet. I was greedy about him right now.

  Besides, her interest in him would only be superficial. The main reason she even called was for the money anyway, although right now, I couldn’t fault her for it. I had a brother. Sometimes it made me feel generous enough that I almost thought about giving her the money she wanted.

  But I barely had it to spare.

  “You look tired,” Jake said as he pulled away.

  “Oh, it’s just been a busy week at work,” I hedged, pasting a smile on my face. I knew how to fake my way through just about anything, and he studied me for another moment before nodding and pulling back.

  “You’re not working full time while you go to school, are you?” he asked.

  “No.” I grimaced and added, “I would if my class load would let me, but my courses are pretty intense.”

  He gestured for me to follow him into the kitchen, and I joined him at the island where he appeared to be slicing up potatoes. “Michelle says you’re going to school for forensic accounting. What’s that like?”

  “Depends on the class.” With a shrug, I slid my coat off and looked around, wondering where to put it. “Some of the classes are boring as hell. I’m almost done with the basic accounting classes, but those about put me to sleep. Others…? They’re fascinating.”

  “Here, I can take your coat,” Michelle said, putting the salad in the fridge. “I’m just on standby until it’s time to cook the steak.” She winked at me and took the coat. “We’re reversed in this house. Jake can cook almost anything, but anytime he tries to make a steak, it’s tougher than shoe leather.”

  “You can’t really be a Texan.” I turned my eyes to him.

  He held up his hands. “Hey, I’m a New Yorker now.”

  “With that accent?” I teased, surprised at how natural it felt to do so.

  “I wouldn’t be talking about accents if I were you.” He winked at me, pointing his knife at me before returning to the task of chopping up potatoes. “What can I say? I was…otherwise engaged during the formative years when I should have learned important things, like how to make steak and all that.”

  Whatever response I might have had died on my tongue as I recalled just how he’d been engaged. Being in prison. For something he hadn’t done. I looked away hurriedly before he saw anything on my face, but it was too late.

  “Hey.” I glanced up at Jake to see him watching me with knowing eyes. “Don’t look like that,” he said, giving me a smile. “It’s over and done. And even if I could go back and change things…I don’t know if I would.”

  I stared at him. “You wouldn’t?”

  “Oh, if I could have my mom back…” He sighed, shaking his head. His gaze returned to the task at hand, and I watched as he scooped up the potatoes into a colander to wash them. He kept speaking as he washed. “It’s a hard thing to think about. I can’t bring her back, and I know that. But the road all that put me on led me to Michelle. I wouldn’t give her up for anything.”

  Michelle moved to stand behind him, sliding her arms around his waist and dropping a kiss onto his cheek. “Same here, handsome.”

  It was an intimate moment, and I stared at my hands until it seemed to pass.

  They had a lot of those moments, something I couldn’t help but envy.

  Michelle was the one to break away, and she met my eyes, smiling as she offered me some wine.

  “I probably shouldn’t,” I said, despite the longing I felt inside. “I just might fall asleep.”

  “Then you fall asleep. If you need it that bad, then you must really need it,” she said, unconcerned. She moved to the fridge and pulled a bottle out. “It will keep me from drinking alone. He won’t touch a drop until the food is done anyway, and I’m dying to try this new red out.”

  After much coaxing from Michelle and Jake, the two of us retreated into the living room, and I sat curled across from her with the glass of wine in my hand, my feet tucked under me.

  “You really do look tired. Are you sure it’s just work?” Michelle aske
d.

  “I…” Glancing past her, I eyed the doorway to the kitchen and finally confessed, “I’m having trouble sleeping.”

  Propping her chin on her hand, Michelle sipped at her wine before asking, “Any idea why?”

  Oh, yes…

  A laugh bubbled in my throat, but I swallowed it back. If I started laughing, I might just end up crying.

  “Things between you and Jake…they seem so…easy,” I said, instead of answering.

  “They weren’t always.” She shrugged, looking down into her glass. “You wouldn’t believe the mess I was before I found him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  A touch of color pinkened her cheeks, and she glanced past me, her gaze lingering on the doorway to the kitchen for a long moment before she finally looked back at me. “That’s a long, long story. Let’s just suffice it to say that Jake just…got me.”

  “How?” I persisted.

  “In every way a man can possibly get a woman,” she said, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. “He’s my best friend. I can tell him anything. He can tell me anything. But…it’s not just that. He changed things for me. I’d been out on dates before him. Not a lot, but…” She huffed out a breath, then got up.

  I frowned at her as she came and sat close to me. She wasn’t so close I could say she was intruding on my space, but she was a lot closer than she had been.

  “Just how personal do you want to get here?”

  The question took me aback. “What do you mean?”

  Michelle lifted a shoulder. “I’ve just got…well, some unpleasant things in my past and Jake helped me work past them. We’re where we are now because of that, because he cared enough and because I trusted him.”

  It was an odd, awkward start to any conversation, and part of me wanted to bow out of it. But the rest of me…

  “What kind of things?”

  “I was assaulted when I was younger,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Up until Jake, I couldn’t really trust a guy.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m not talking sexual healing or anything…” She paused, winking at me. “I’m sure you want to hear that about your brother. But it wasn’t that. Jake just…cared. That’s what it takes.”