Dark Pleasures Read online

  I checked out the laptops and all of the neat little gadgets that people like Rylan and I loved to use. There were a couple things I could see myself wanting, but I was pretty sure Rylan already had them. I couldn't see having his money and not buying all of this fun stuff.

  “Dammit,” I muttered as I head back out into the corridor. I had absolutely no clue what I would do now.

  I wandered aimlessly, sticking close to the walls so I'd be out of the way as I slowly walked. I looked in the stores as I passed, my brain processing the weirdest things. I saw the decorations. The sale signs. Sometimes I saw what they were selling. Shoes – though I wasn't sure who'd buy shoes for Christmas. Major appliances. Toys, toys and more toys. Jewelry. Lotions. Perfumes.

  I stopped in front of a bookstore window. There were titles on display, fiction and nonfiction. One of them was How to Make a Million Dollars Before Twenty-One. I smiled. Rylan definitely didn't need that one. He probably could've written it even though he’d made more at a younger age.

  “Guess you don't really need that book, do you?”

  I stiffened at the familiar voice. Shit. What was he doing here? I plastered on a fake smile as I turned. “Merry Christmas, Zeke.”

  He didn't bother to pretend to be polite. He gestured towards the book in the window. “You think you could've made the book a lot shorter, right? All you have to do is fuck a rich guy, after all.”

  I dropped the smile. “What is your problem, Zeke?”

  He ignored my question. “What are you doing here anyway?”

  “Shopping, what does it look like?” I snapped. I barely managed to keep from calling him an asshole.

  “If you're looking for something for Rylan, don't bother.” Zeke crossed his arms over his chest. “It's not like you're really his girlfriend or anything. You're a fling, nothing more.”

  My patience was wearing thin. “Shows what you know. I'm spending Christmas with him.”

  “He's taking you to meet his family?” Zeke raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised that I’d be welcomed into that inner sanctum.

  “No.” I scowled at his attitude and the smirk that sprung on his lips when I said the word. “But I'm staying at his house Christmas Eve and Day. Aside from the few hours he visits his parents, it will be him and me.”

  Zeke's green eyes flashed with anger. “You're spending Christmas Eve with him too?”

  “Yes.” I turned away from him. “And if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do.”

  “What in the world do you think you could get him?” Zeke asked. He sounded closer, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he was starting to get to me. “The man has all the money he could want. He has friends and family, people who care about him. He doesn't need you or anything you can give him.”

  I took a slow, deep breath. I wanted to go off on him, tell him exactly what I could provide Rylan in vivid detail, but I didn't. I may not have liked the guy, but he was Rylan's best friend, even if for reasons I couldn't fathom. Either he'd get over his issues with me or he wouldn't. I refused give him ammunition to use against me with Rylan. I wouldn't be that girl.

  “Have a Merry Christmas, Zeke.” I walked away, my pace fast, but not so fast that it looked like I was running. I just knew that I had to get away before I said something I regretted.

  I rounded the corner and ducked into a coffee shop to make sure he wasn't following me. I told myself I was just being overly cautious because of what happened with Christophe, but deep down I knew there was something about Zeke that just didn't sit right with me. After a couple minutes of surreptitiously watching through the giant glass window, I relaxed.

  I went to the counter and ordered hot chocolate. I needed to take a bit of a break and think. At least some of what Zeke had said was true. Rylan had more than enough money to buy anything he wanted or needed. Anything I looked at that I thought he might like, he probably either had it or didn't want it. What I needed to do, I realized, was find something personal to give him.

  Shit. I frowned at the whipped cream melting in my cocoa. I sucked at personal. I supposed that meant jewelry with some sort of engraving on it. Cufflinks with his initials. A watch that said how I felt about him. The thing was, Rylan wasn't that kind of guy. Sure, he wore suits and tuxes for special occasions, but I'd seen him more often in jeans and casual shirts. He was comfortable enough in his own skin that he could wear anything and look good, but I knew he didn't enjoy being the public face of the company, and that included all of the necessary social events. Did I really want to get him something he'd only wear when he was doing those things? I had to admit, part of me liked the idea since it meant there would always be something of mine with him when he met up with those high society types. Anyone could get a watch or cufflinks though. For all I knew, he had a drawer full of things like that, given to him by his family, friends or even some of the other women he'd been with.

  What I needed was something special. Something that had meaning. I didn't care if no one else understood it or thought it was important. It had to be the kind of gift that only I could give.

  I finished my drink and walked across to the lingerie store. While I was thinking, I figured I might as well buy a couple things that, while not his present, Rylan would enjoy. I liked sexy bras and underwear, but I always bought ones that were functional as well as attractive. I'd never bought lingerie for the singular purpose of looking good for a man.

  The best part of walking into the store was that not a single saleswoman batted an eye. The one that came over had a big smile on her face and I could tell it wasn't fake.

  “Looking for something special for someone special?” She winked at me.

  I chuckled. It was a bit silly, but I'd take that over rude any day. She asked my measurements and, less than ten minutes later, had a couple different things for me to try on. They ran from barely there ribbons and strings that left nothing to the imagination to corsets that squeezed me into shapes I was never meant to be. I spent over an hour in the store, but when I left, I had half a dozen new undergarments that I bought with the singular purpose of sex with Rylan.

  And I had an idea for a Christmas present that only I could give him.

  Chapter 7

  Christmas Eve.

  I'd barely slept the night before, but not for the same reasons I hadn't been sleeping well earlier in the week. This was pure anticipation. Well, okay, a little bit of nerves. I'd never had a real Christmas, much less spent it with a man. I also had no clue how he would react to my gift. Adding everything together, I had to admit that what I was feeling was probably equal parts anxiety and eagerness.

  I hadn't spoken to Rylan since Wednesday at work, but he'd texted me last night saying he'd send a car for me at four and that he wanted me to be as comfortable as possible so I should bring whatever I wanted and not worry about the rest.

  I used a small bag to pack the lingerie I'd bought as well as some other clothes, unsure what I'd actually need. For all I knew, he planned for us to spend the entire two days – except when he was with his parents – naked. Or he could want to go out and build a snowman if the weather was right. Did couples do things like that on Christmas? The weekend we'd spent together before had been surreal, a spur-of-the-moment decision made because of insane circumstances. I didn't regret it, but this weekend was different.

  I was glad he hadn't asked me to come earlier in the day because it took the entire morning and part of the afternoon to decide what to wear. Since there wasn't much substance to the special lingerie I'd bought, I didn't wear any of it. I figured if – or when was probably more accurate – things heated up, I'd excuse myself to the bathroom to change.

  What I finally settled on was my most comfortable pair of simple but attractive cotton panties and matching bra, dressy jeans, a clingy long-sleeved shirt with lace sleeves and a pair of sturdy boots. As it neared four, I put on my coat, grabbed gloves and a scarf, picked up my bag and headed downstairs to wait for the car. M
y pulse thrummed under my skin and I felt like I would explode. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. A real Christmas with my boyfriend. It was like something out of a fairy tale, and girls like me never got those kinds of endings.

  The driver didn't try to make small talk and I was grateful for that. There was too much chaos in my head to carry on a polite conversation. The closer I got to Rylan's house, the more nervous I became. I started to wonder why I'd even agreed to this when we rounded a bend and I could see the house. The sun had already begun to set, so it was dark enough to appreciate the brilliance of the lights decorating every inch of the outside of the house. It was beautiful.

  I thanked the driver as he opened my door, but I only had eyes for the man walking down the driveway towards me. It was snowing lightly and the flakes landed in his dark hair, on his eyelashes. He looked like he'd just stepped out of a modeling shoot.

  “Let me get that.” He reached for my bag with one hand even as he wrapped the other around my waist. “Thanks, Denny!” He called over his shoulder. “Have a Merry Christmas!”

  “You too, Sir,” Denny called back. The car started back down the driveway before Rylan and I reached the door.

  “I could've driven myself, you know,” I said. “He didn't need to work on Christmas Eve.”

  “He actually asked for it,” Rylan said. “I offered a very nice bonus for the guy who picked you up today.”

  “Still, I do know how to drive,” I said. “I could've rented a car.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Why should you have to rent a car if I can just send one for you? Besides, I didn't want you to drive if the roads got bad.”

  I returned his eye roll with one of my own as he opened the door. “And when I get my own car in the spring?” I asked. “I don't mind taking the bus to work, but I can't expect you to send a car every time I want to come out and see you.”

  “We'll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said. “But I'll never like the idea of you doing anything that could get you hurt.”

  I started to shake my head, ready to tease him about being overprotective, but then I stepped into the house and my jaw dropped.

  The lights outside had been impressive enough, but I hadn't suspected that they were merely the icing on the cake. If I'd thought about it, I would've pictured a modest tree with tastefully matched ornaments and maybe a fire in the fireplace. My imagination didn't even compare to the reality.

  Wreaths and bows were everywhere. Red ribbon spiraled up the staircase railing. Soft Christmas music played from somewhere and the entire place smelled like pine, but not that nasty fake pine stuff. I may not have had any actual Christmases, but I had lived in Colorado for a few years and I knew what real pine smelled like.

  “Come on.” He set my bag on the bottom step and took my hand. His fingers fit between mine like they'd been made that way.

  He led me through the house and into the first room I'd seen. It had been in this room I'd woken about a month ago. When I'd had a panic attack in the elevator at work and passed out, Rylan had brought me here, put me on the couch and waited for me to wake up. I was glad this was the room he'd decided we should be in. As much as I hated what happened, it had been that encounter that made me realize I was truly safe with him.

  A fire roared in the fireplace and a pair of stockings hung on either end of the mantel. One looked old and worn, the other brand new. Even from where I stood, I could see Rylan's name on the old one and my name on the new. In front of the French doors was a tree. A real tree. It had to be at least six feet tall, even without the stand and the glittering star on the top. The ornaments were mismatched. Some looked homemade while others were store bought. There were glass bulbs, cheap plastic reindeer, a few painted ceramics and dozens of bells. Blue and white lights alternated on and off, filling the room with a soft glow. The only other light came from the fireplace and a single lamp in the opposite corner of the room. Under the tree were several wrapped gifts and I could see some of the name tags. Mom. Dad. Suzette. I didn't want to look any harder to see if there was one for me, so I looked over at Rylan instead.

  The expression on his face was both proud and shy, and it tugged at my heart.

  “You did all of this yourself?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Told you I needed to have yesterday off.” He gave me a soft smile. “Is it too much?”

  “It's beautiful,” I said. I turned and hugged him, pressing my face against his chest.

  “I wanted you to have a great first Christmas,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. He rested his cheek against the top of my head.

  “It's perfect.” I couldn't believe he did done all of this for me. The lights themselves must've taken hours. Decorating in here...he had to have been up half the night.

  “And it's just starting,” he said. He reached down to hook his finger under my chin and tilt my head back until we looked at each other. “The first of many Christmases together.”

  I swallowed hard, my chest tightening with the force of emotions coursing through me. He bent his head and lightly brushed his lips against mine.

  “Shall we get something to eat?” he asked. “I went with a lot of small things. Finger foods, that kind of thing.”

  I raised an eyebrow as he gestured towards the coffee table. I'd completely missed it, what with all of the decorations. It was loaded with more food than the two of us could ever eat.

  “I went a little overboard, I think,” he said sheepishly.

  “Well,” I said. “If we get snowed in, at least we won't run out of food before spring.”

  He laughed and squeezed my shoulders. “I can't say the idea of being snowbound with you is a bad one.”

  I didn't want to let my thoughts go there. Trapped with Rylan for who knew how long? Not worrying about him going to see his family or us going back to work? Getting to show him all of the sexy lingerie I'd bought...it sounded like a dream come true.

  “Did you make all of this too?” I asked, changing the subject before my libido could take over.

  “Some,” he said. “But I did buy a lot of it. I'm a decent cook, but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to make some of this stuff.” He looked down at me. “Should we try a bit of everything?”

  “Sounds good to me.” I smiled.

  I took a moment to be grateful for my high metabolism as I loaded up a plate. There were cheeses and fruits. Some little cuts of meat and fancy crackers. And, of course, fudge and more varieties of cookies than I'd ever seen before. Chocolate and peanut butter and coconut and mint...

  “Did your family always have so much food on Christmas?” I asked as I followed him to the couch.

  He balanced his plate on his knees and put one arm behind me as I sat next to him. “Oh, definitely.” He picked up one of the cookies from my plate and held it out to me. “We used to joke that we would starve ourselves for days before the holidays and not have to eat for days after. The day after Christmas, we always took the food we had left to various shelters and charities.”

  I bit into the cookie, savoring the chocolate and mint. It was a pity I hadn't grown up around here, I thought. Maybe I would've met Rylan and his family when I was younger. I was sure group homes and orphanages would've been on the food delivery list. Then again, that probably wouldn't have been such a good idea. As messed up as I was now, I was practically normal compared to how I'd been those first few years.

  I was surprised at how easy it was to let the conversation come and go as we ate. We talked about the mundane things, the kinds of things couples usually learned about each other before hearing the deep dark secrets of the past. All of those favorites that had driven me crazy when I'd tried to shop for him.

  Confirmation that he preferred casual clothes to dressing up. Hockey and soccer over football and basketball. A love of skiing and snowboarding, but to do rather than watch. Favorite color was sunset orange, but only as a sunset, not as clothes or décor. An allergy to cats, but a love of seeing the tigers and
leopards at the zoo. His favorite book was Huckleberry Finn and he had a secret love of musicals.

  When I asked about his favorite song, he stood and walked over to the sound system against one wall. He tapped a few things on his iPod and music began to play. I raised an eyebrow. It was a love song I recognized from trailers for a movie that had come out a couple years back.

  “This is your favorite song?” I asked.

  He held out his hand. “It will be if you dance with me to it.”

  I rolled my eyes, but smiled as took his hand and stood. He pulled me into his arms, both hands settling at my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Our bodies were close, but this wasn't some sort of seductive dance. Not that I thought he didn't want me. No, it was more...solid. It was hard to describe because it wasn't like anything I'd ever felt before. No pressure, no urgency. Not even the good kind. I didn't feel like this was all a pre-show before we got to the main act.

  “Don't Stop Believing.”

  “What?” I was startled out of my analysis.

  “My favorite song,” he said. His words took on a teasing note. “I completely understand if that's a deal-breaker.”

  “Oh, it is.” I laughed and leaned my head on his shoulder as we swayed to the music. One love song turned into another until I wasn't even sure how long we'd been dancing.

  “Do you want to exchange gifts tonight or tomorrow morning?” he asked, breaking the silence.

  “Tomorrow,” I said. I didn't look at him as I added the next part. I wanted to share it with him, but talking about personal things was still something I was working on. “I've always wanted to wake up on Christmas morning, sit near the tree, wearing my pajamas, and open a gift.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “Then that's what we'll do.”

  “If you want something different,” I started.